What I Gave Away

I have given away a lot over the course of my life. My dignity and self respect. My pride. My sense of self and my sense of others. I said goodbye to my health, my financial status and several jobs. I have turned loose of faith and let go of self worth. I love lost valuable and hard won ground in the relationships I had spent years building. I almost gave away my marriage, my opportunity to spend time with my children and the precious gifts that have come to me in the form of God's most special award - grandchildren. 

But one of the things I regret giving away or letting go of the most is my relationship with my best friend. You see, when I was a relatively young woman, I asked God for something. As a mom, career woman, wife and "Pastor's Wife," I had very little that I could claim as my own. And I began to beg God for a friend. And in his time, he sent me someone very special. We met and it was magical from the beginning. We started out laughing and rarely stopped in the years that followed. We were close. We shared everything. Our hopes, dreams, fears, failures - we even joked that we shared our children (That's MY son - we'd shout at a wrestling match!).

And then the unthinkable happened. Her marriage broke up and somehow through that process, we lost our way. I regret more than I can say my part in that. As the years passed, it became almost easier to pretend that what we'd shared was an illusion - maybe it hadn't really happened, or maybe I just didn't remember it right.

But in my heart of hearts, I knew it had been real. And I missed my friend. In all the years since I've last seen her, I have never had another friend that was my best friend. I've had some "good" friends. And some "fun" friends. And some "great" times. But I've never, ever had another best friend. I think one like her only comes along once in a lifetime.

My sorrow has been great - and the wounds on both sides were deep. But do you know what? God is so gracious and He longs to give good gifts to his children – even to a wayward and stubborn daughter - like me. And tomorrow - after thousands of lonely days - He is bringing us together again. I am trembling with excitement, joy, and trepidation. Will she still like me? Will I still think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread? Will the magic still be there?

My friends - I believe it will all be good - because what I gave away, my Lord wants to give back. And when he gives back, it is "pressed down, shaken together and running over."

To my heart friend - I can hardly wait to see you. God has been preparing us for this day; for a long, long time and I think He will have the most joy of all when we are restored.

Thanks for listening. Caro