This Winding and Treacherous Road

This Winding and Treacherous Road

Today I am facing a lot of sadness, pain and a good deal of anger. One of my friends recently relapsed and I just found out about it. The report was that he was in the hospital with a heart attack, but the truth is he was actually there because he overdosed.

My sadness is because of the trials I know he and his family will now face and the obstacles he will have to overcome to get back on the road to recovery. He has a wife and a daughter I know that he just lost the trust he had spent four years building up. My pain is for myself, because of all the emotions this stirs up in me and the wounds it reopens. And my anger is directed at this vicious disease that reaches out when we least expect it and rips our hearts out, over and over again.

This young man recently spoke at one of the recovery meetings I attend. I knew then something wasn’t quite right, he just seemed “off” somehow. But I didn’t realize the cause until I found out the truth. I am also sad because he appears to be in denial, claiming a heart attack when the truth is so different.

It would be easy to sink into depression because this reopens the heartache and wounds I experienced and the anguish and sorrow my choices caused my family and my friends. The pain is fresh, as if it was happening all over again. My soul cries out for relief and for an end to this needless suffering.

This road to recovery is fraught with danger. As soon as we let our guard down, as soon as we stop doing the simple things we need to do, the addiction will reach up and grab us and will pull us under again. Recently I went on a road trip with my wonderful husband, up to Mt. St. Helens in Washington. Even after more than 30 years, the devastation from the volcanic blast in May of 1980 is still starkly evident. But as we drove through the areas of wreckage and destruction, my attention was caught and held by the signs of life struggling to survive in barren surroundings and I was encouraged. I felt like God was telling me that even though there would be times of bleakness and emptiness throughout my journey, if I but looked for them, there would also be places of splendor and oases of refreshment.

Now, more than at any time since I’ve started on this road to recovery, I need those places of beauty and the peace of God’s quiet sanctuary. I’m so glad that he is here, right beside me, to comfort me and hold my hand.

Thanks for listening. Caro