Trusting With Someone Else’s Heart

I have been so focused on  mending from my disease of addiction that I find I am easily  “blindsided” when something else intrudes on my now very recovery-centric life. That happened this past week. My husband learned he has an abnormality in the circumflex artery of his heart. Now, I don’t know all that much about medical things, but I’m very sure “abnormality” and “heart” are two words you never want to hear in the same sentence. He has been having a lot of shortness of breath so his doctor ordered a pharmacological stress test last week. We received a call to come in for an immediate consult the next day, and that is when we heard the news.

Next week he has a follow up with a cardiologist and we learn exactly what this means. It probably means a procedure involving heart catheterization and/or a stent placed in the offending artery. I am wavering between being so thankful they found out about this prior to a full blown heart attack, and terror at what it could mean.  My husband jokingly said that it would “suck” to have a heart attack, now that I am finally sober. I understand what he meant, but it kind of felt like a knife went through me when I heard those words. It would indeed “suck.”

So here is where I find myself. I can spin out of control, with whatever negative results that might have; or, I can choose once again to place my trust in the One who holds all of our hearts in the palm of his hand. It really came down this – could I trust Him, not only with my heart, but with the heart of the one I love the most on this earth?  After a short struggle, that is the choice I am making. Of course, I have to make it daily, sometimes hourly, in order to keep the worry wheel from spinning out of control, but I do know that Jesus is sufficient, for this hurdle, the same as He has been for all the others I have ever faced.

You would think that after a certain number of years, I wouldn’t need to re-learn all the lessons He is trying to teach me, and it would get a little easier. But on the other hand, I guess that I will only stop learning on the day I am finally free from all these earthly limitations. While I look forward to that day, for now I will just trust Him for this moment and rejoice that He has proven to me over and over that He is indeed, trustworthy.

Thanks for listening and thanks for praying. Caro